Effects and Management of Premarital and Extramarital Sexual Relations

The word premarital simply means before marriage. So when a person takes part in sexual activity or has sexual intercourse before getting married, it is called a premarital sexual relation. This topic matters most to teenagers, because adolescence is the time when the body and the mind change quickly and many new questions arise for the first time.

When a person reaches adolescence, the body goes through physical, mental and emotional development, and sexual development speeds up alongside them. At this stage attraction towards the opposite sex grows, and so does curiosity about sex. This is natural. There is nothing shameful about these feelings and no reason to feel guilty for having them.

Feeling curious and acting on that curiosity are two different things. The feeling arrives on its own, but the decision about what to do is ours. So at this age a young person needs to keep their mind under careful, conscious control. Growing modern lifestyles, fashion and social media can make sexual curiosity much stronger. Videos seen on a phone, or talk among friends, can also create the false idea that everyone is doing it. At such moments a decision should come from clear thinking, not from a rush of feeling.

Our society does not accept sexual relations before marriage, and such relations are seen as going against social values. But the reasons for waiting are not only social. There are health reasons too:

• In adolescence our reproductive organs are not yet mature. Because the body is not ready for sexual intercourse, it should not happen at this age.
• Marrying or having sexual intercourse before the age of twenty harms a person's health.
• Teenagers often have strong curiosity but little education and awareness, so a sexual relationship at this age may well be unsafe. It can lead to an unwanted pregnancy, which affects the person physically, mentally and socially.
• Sex that is unplanned and done only for fun carries the risk of sexually transmitted infections and HIV/AIDS.
• Pressure from friends of the same age, and the habit of copying them, can also push a teenager towards sexual activity.

This is why the teenage years are best spent studying well and taking part in creative work such as sport, music, art or writing. When time and energy go into something worthwhile, the mind stays balanced too. Staying aware of what premarital sex can lead to is the wise choice.

The effects of premarital sex do not stay with one person. They reach the body, the mind, the family and society. The main effects are these:

• It is seen as going against the values of society.
• Sex in adolescence is especially unsafe. A pregnancy may follow and force an early marriage, which can bring financial, physical and educational problems.
• Unsafe sex can spread sexually transmitted infections.
• It harms relationships within the family.
• It can damage a person's own reputation.
• The family's trust and confidence can be shaken.
• It causes mental and emotional harm.
• The person may face insult and rejection from society.
• Sex at a young age harms the development of the reproductive organs.

These effects are linked to one another. Imagine an unwanted pregnancy. School may have to stop, an early marriage may follow, and the family has a new financial burden. Once education stops, future chances shrink, and regret and stress grow. In this way one hurried decision can shape many years of a life.

Management means the steps taken to stop a problem from arising and to reduce its harm if it does. Premarital sexual relations can be managed in these ways:

• Refuse whenever anyone pressures you into sex or tries to tempt you with offers.
• Do not watch pornographic films or read obscene material.
• When curiosity about sex arises, practise self control and keep yourself busy with creative work.
• Awareness programmes about the effects of premarital sex should be run.
• Enough sex education should be given.
• If sex does happen, it must be safe sex.

Some of these steps are for each person to take, such as refusing pressure, staying away from obscene material and practising self control. Others are the job of schools, families and society, such as giving proper sex education and running awareness programmes. Management works only when both levels do their part.

If a friend puts pressure on you for sexual activity, you must refuse firmly. Firmly means saying no in clear words, without fear and without hesitating. Vague answers like 'maybe later' or 'I don't know' leave room for the other person to push again. Some ways to refuse firmly:

• Look the person in the eye and say clearly, "I will not do this."
• Give your reason once and do not get pulled into a long argument.
• If the pressure does not stop, leave the place.
• Tell a parent, a teacher or another adult you trust.

A true friend respects your no. If someone keeps pushing again and again, they are not thinking about what is good for you.

In a marriage, husband and wife share a bond of trust and faithfulness. Extramarital means outside the marriage. When a married person has a sexual relationship with a man or woman who is not their own husband or wife, it is extramarital sexual behaviour.

Our society does not accept a sexual relationship with another man or woman after marriage. It is regarded as sinful and immoral. Understanding why such relationships happen is the first step in preventing them. Two situations stand out:

• When husband and wife live apart for a long time because of work. For example, when one of them works abroad for years, or has to live in another city for a job.
• When a married person no longer feels sexual attraction towards their own husband or wife.

Extramarital sexual behaviour is not only rejected by society. It can also harm health. For both reasons, it should not happen after marriage.

• The person may be shut out by society.
• Such behaviour spreads unhealthy practices in society.
• Trust within the family breaks down, and this can lead to the family splitting apart.
• These relationships are often unsafe, so the risk of sexually transmitted infections is higher.
• Conflict between husband and wife increases.
• The family suffers financial loss.
• Mental and emotional health can suffer.
• The children's future can be pushed towards darkness.
• The family's standing in society is damaged.

Of all these effects, the harm to children goes deepest. When quarrels grow or the family breaks up, children lose a safe home. Their studies, their health and their confidence all suffer. So this is never a problem of two people alone. It belongs to the whole family.

• Husband and wife always build an atmosphere of trust between them.
• Husband and wife talk openly about sex and understand each other's feelings.
• If sexual behaviour outside the marriage does happen, safe methods must be used.
• Family life education and sex education are provided.

Trust and conversation sit at the centre of all these steps. Even when a couple must live apart for work, staying in regular touch, being honest and respecting each other keep the relationship strong. Talking openly about a problem, instead of hiding it, clears many misunderstandings early.

These two kinds of behaviour happen at different times of life and to different people, yet some of their effects are the same. The table shows both the differences and the common ground:

In both kinds of behaviour above, the biggest danger is that they are unsafe. So it is necessary to understand clearly what safer sexual behaviour is.

Safer sexual behaviour does not simply mean using a condom during sex. Hugging and kissing only when both people want it, and using a condom during intercourse, are all part of safer sexual behaviour. Three things lie at its heart:

• A limited relationship: only with one's husband or wife, or with one trusted person.
• Agreement of both: both people must genuinely want it.
• Protection: a condom is used during intercourse.

Sexual behaviour must always be safe. Unsafe or risky sexual behaviour can spread many kinds of sexually transmitted infections. In adolescence, too little knowledge about sex education together with growing attraction towards the opposite sex can lead to unsafe behaviour. That is why it is always right to keep well away from it.

No one should be drawn into unsafe sexual behaviour through fear, threats or the lure of gifts and money. If someone tries to win you over with threats, presents or money, treat it as a danger sign. Such behaviour can seriously harm health.